Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Investigative Report: What Tattoos Might Iowa State Memorabilia Bring?

If you haven't already heard, the Ohio State University and its football team is under investigation by the NCAA. Their coach, Jim Tressel, resigned yesterday amidst the ongoing investigation. The SI article, linked here above, cites a Ohio State memorabilia for tattoo trade that head coach Tressel was made aware of but failed to report to the proper authorities.

Today, I asked if the same thing was happening at Iowa State.

I made a call to a tattoo parlor located near the ISU campus. The name of the parlor will remain anonymous to protect them from any backlash from the ISU faithful. I spoke with an individual, who we will call Perry, to find out if there is a ISU memorabilia black market in the town of Ames.

Perry immediately replied with "no."

I asked if they have a rec room, or man cave, with a PlayStation and cool ISU stuff on the walls. Perry informed me that his parlor has a Sega Genesis and a few black light posters, but the black light is broken.

Perry went on to add that no ISU football players have hung out at his establishment. In fact, no one really hangs out there, except a few hipster wanna-be-kids that probably attend Ames High School and foreign exchange students that believe they are in their dorm.

So, that ended my investigation into Iowa State.

While I had Perry on the phone I decided to ask what kind of tattoo I could get in exchange for ISU memorabilia. The SI report on OSU claims that autographed magazines, game-worn jerseys, pants, and championship rings were part of the OSU player's merchandise for trade. ISU has never won a championship of any kind in football so that sort of leaves me with little to work with.

According to Perry, here are some examples of what one could expect in trade for ISU merchandise:

Any merchandise from the Cyclones Insight.com Bowl victory would bring one something this size:

A program, or magazine, autographed by head coach Paul Rhodes nets one this stick figure, on your chest:

A game-worn jersey from a star player like Steele Jantz can get you a letter on a knuckle. Not all eight knuckles, just one. For all eight you would need, duh, eighty game-worn autographed jerseys.

And finally, a game ball autographed by every player to ever play for the Cyclones could get you a nice giraffe looking thing on your arm, like this:

I didn't really call anybody and I'm not even sure there is a tattoo parlor in Ames, incase I needed to add that.


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